In last week’s CONNECT2Lead post, we touched on how to belong to a group without giving up your own voice. This week, we’ll be talking about the opposite extreme – what happens when group members put too much of themselves into a group.
You’ve probably seen this happen. A group develops splinter factions that polarize members and disrupt the work the group originally set out to do. It happens when strong personalities seek to dominate the group and personal agendas overtake what once unified the group.
By their very nature, groups are meant to be inclusive. They are devised so people with similar interests can assemble together and share with each other. Often, they are driven by a passion to collectively contribute something of value to others.
Not everyone “gets” the idea of groups. They may join them for the prestige of the affiliation or because they believe the group will serve their own personal needs. But what these individuals are really looking for isn’t a group. What they want is a clique.
Unlike groups, cliques are designed to exclusive. When people choose to form a clique, it’s the exclusivity that is appealing. The ability to leave others out, formally or informally, lends the clique a certain aura of superiority.
Groups that splinter into cliques are doomed. I recently found myself in a group like this with ego-driven divisiveness coming from at least three camps. (They are likely more, but I grew weary of trying to figure out who’s with who and what and why.)
Despite the group’s highly appealing purpose and members I was honored to be affiliated with, I chose to step back and disengage from the group. I didn’t see any value, personally, in the petty grudge matches being waged. It was disheartening and disappointing to learn that people I’d respected and admired had gotten so carried away.
And I do believe that’s happened. People got carried away by egos, by polarizing positions and by asserting their own desires without regard for the needs of the group and the people it was intended to serve.
So while it’s important not to lose yourself in a group, it’s equally important for groups not to get lost in the service of selves.
As a group member, you owe it to yourself to be true to yourself. And you owe it to the group to assert yourself up to the point where it is good for the group. When your own beliefs or ego or other self-interests no longer fit with the group’s direction or could potentially be destructive to the group, it is time to step back. You can’t win by destroying a group or splintering it into cliques. You can’t benefit yourself or others if you have lost sight of the benefits others came to the group to give and receive.
It all comes down to being honest with yourself. When you are a part of a group, check in often to ask yourself the following questions:
If you leave a group, do it respectfully. Don’t hurt others on your way out. Don’t leave at an inopportune time that could hurt the cause you care about. Don’t make enemies in the heat of the moment.
Be true to yourself as a member of the group and as you leave the group. Demonstrate your leadership in exiting just as nobly as you did when entering.
