---
title: "The #1 Secret for Getting People to Listen to You"
description: If you are frequently frustrated by having to repeat yourself or by not being understood, try this to get people to listen to you more.
image: https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/hubfs/88%20-%20eureka-1.svg
---

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 August 30, 2014

# The #1 Secret for Getting People to Listen to You

[PFPS](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/connect2lead/author/rca532)  ·   1 minute read

"He just doesn't listen."

"I've told you a dozen times..."

"I can't seem to get through to her."

Ever hear yourself making these complaints? Whether it's in your leadership role at work, at home or in a community group, these comments are made by leaders who are frustrated by others' lack of listening.

If you are frequently frustrated by having to repeat yourself or by not being understood, there's one thing you can do.

This is a surefire way to improve your effectiveness in communicating to others.

It's the only way you can improve how well others are listening to you.

It's like making an investment. You'll have to put in your listening if you hope to yield higher returns from the listening of others.

Listening is highly dependent on the law of reciprocity. We are naturally inclined to listen to those who have listened to us. Similarly, when we don't feel heard by others we don't choose to listen to them either.

Listening builds trust. Listening dignifies and shows respect for others. Listening creates bonds. Failing to listen builds walls that are impenetrable by anything other than listening.

If you want to be heard, start by listening. Work on listening in ways that make others feel truly heard. Demonstrate your desire to understand others, and they will reciprocate.

*[![CONNECT 2 Lead graphic smal](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/CONNECT-2-Lead-graphic-smal.png?width=100&height=53&name=CONNECT-2-Lead-graphic-smal.png)](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/CONNECT-2-Lead-graphic-smal.png)This blog post is part of the CONNECT! Community’s August focus on connecting by listening. As a leader, you will be able to more effectively* [*CONNECT2Lead*](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/connect2lead) *when you actively and empathically listen to others with an intent to understand. Be sure to subscribe to the* [*CONNECT2Lead Blog*](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/connect2lead) *for weekly tips and techniques on leading with a people first approach. To God be the glory!*

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### Deb Calvert, founder

Putting PEOPLE First since 2005 [deb.calvert@peoplefirstps.com](mailto:deb.calvert@peoplefirstps.com)

[PFPS Information](https://peoplefirstps.com/about)

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