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17 Habits of Active Listeners You Can Adopt Today

50 - listening 2.pngActive listeners have an advantage. How did the rest of us miss out?

In school and in most sales training courses, we are not taught how to ask questions or how to listen. These are critical skills distinguishing a top seller from an average one. Empowered buyers are demanding to be heard and to be challenged with new ideas and to have unique value created for them by sellers. None of this is possible without solid questioning skills and sharp listening skills.

Few would disagree there certainly is a loss when we don’t fully listen to others. You notice it in your own day-to-day conversations. No matter how commonplace it may be, it doesn’t feel good when we know we’ve only been partially heard because others were distracted. For a buyer, being asked to trust a seller who doesn’t listen well is particularly distasteful. Sellers who actively listen have yet another opportunity to differentiate themselves since so few do this.

This term, active listening, refers to a higher standard of listening. First, there’s hearing. That’s a passive function, one that requires no effort at all for most. Listening is hearing plus paying attention to take in what’s being said. Active listening goes beyond listening to include paying close attention, focusing to eliminate distractions and devoting mental effort to process what’s being said. Active listening isn’t easy and doesn’t come naturally.

When people are actively listening, they respond differently than those who are only partly engaged.

Active listeners:

  • Don’t interrupt.
  • Don’t respond hastily, as soon as an opening becomes available.
  • Don’t play a “one up” game to try and match each point made.
  • Don’t jump to conclusions.
  • Don’t judge what is being said too quickly.
  • Don’t interject with an unsolicited or premature solution.

Instead, active listeners:

  • Probe for clarification, back story, details and feelings.
  • Listen for both content and feeling.
  • Empathize by putting themselves in the speaker’s shoes.
  • Listen for what’s different, not just for what’s familiar.
  • Take what’s being said seriously.
  • Spot their own assumptions or biases about what’s being said.
  • Eliminate distractions while listening so they can focus fully.
  • Hear the whole story before judging or responding.
  • Encourage the speaker with attention and body language.
  • Look at the speaker or, perhaps, take notes on what’s being said.
  • Never seem rushed, bored or impatient.

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Next Steps:

  • To learn more about DISCOVER Questions® and how to get connected in meaningful ways with your buyers, order your copy of this bestseller from Amazon.com
  • When you need sales or management coaching, customized sales training, or a dynamic speaker call us at 408-779-PFPS or book an appointment with Deb.
  • Check out these resources for sales managers and front line sellers. New webinars, infographics, research, podcasts and more added every month!


The award-winning CONNECT2Sell Blog is for professional sellers who believe, as we do, that Every Sale Starts with a Connection.

Deb Calvert, “DISCOVER Questions® Get You Connected” author and Top 50 Sales Influencer, is President of People First Productivity Solutions, a UC Berkeley instructor, and a former Sales/Training Director of a Fortune 500 media company. She speaks and writes about the Stop Selling & Start Leading movement and offers sales training, coaching and consulting as well as leadership development programs. She is certified as an executive and sales coach by the ICF and is a Certified Master of The Leadership Challenge®. Deb has worked in every sector and in 14 countries to build leadership capacity, team effectiveness and sales productivity with a “people first” approach.


  Editor's note: This blog was  originally published December 2016 and has been recently updated..

Topics: active listening, asking quesitons, CONNECT2SELL Blog

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