---
title: You Can Belong to a Group without Losing Yourself
description: Some people aren't joiners. They wonder how they can belong to a group and maintain individuality. It's possible, and you can have the best of both worlds!
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---

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 October 12, 2014

# You Can Belong to a Group without Losing Yourself

[PFPS](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/connect2lead/author/rca532)  ·   2 minute read

Some people are excellent group members. They immerse themselves in group projects and leadership roles, dedicating themselves absolutely to the group’s cause and people.

Some people are not joiners. They prefer not to be affiliated with organizations and teams. They’d rather go it alone and prefer to be in control.

Most people are somewhere in between. They like the idea of joining a group but feel conflicted about how much time, effort and self they can commit. They may join enthusiastically at first but then pull back if the group expectations feel overwhelming.

For leaders at every level, there’s no denying the importance of being affiliated with like-minded people. Groups and communities-of-interest provide unparalleled learning and growth opportunities. They offer a way to give back to others through service, mentoring and thought leadership.

So how can you belong to a group without feeling overwhelmed and without losing yourself?

First, it’s important to be discerning about the groups you commit to joining. I recently dove into an appealing group without checking it out fully first. I was flattered to be invited in, so I didn’t do my due diligence to understand expectations and to investigate others experiences in the group. As some negative aspects came to light, I discovered it was difficult to gracefully exit the group without alienating allies and offending others. You have to look before you leap.

Second, take it slow. Most groups need leaders and volunteers for a wide assortment of tasks. As a new member, you may be tempted to prove yourself and eager to establish your place in the group. Just remember, the more involved you become, the more obligations and responsibilities you will have. Just be certain you have the time, energy and genuine commitment to this particular group before you immerse yourself.

Third, as you are easing into the group, respect the established members and protocols. You are the newcomer. Yes, you may have great ideas for improvements. But you need to understand the landscape and the people before you advocate for change. If you join a group with the express purpose of changing it, you are likely to be disappointed by the resistance you will experience.

Finally, as a group member, don’t get carried away. The group doesn’t owe you a thing. As with anything you do, you will get out of the experience a proportionate return on what you put into it. But groups aren’t about fame and accolades and individual support. If you get to a point where you are expecting those kinds of rewards, you have probably lost sight of why you joined in the first place. I have coached many volunteers who joined a cause because they were inspired to help, only to leave the cause when they discovered there is not much glory in giving. To avoid a similar letdown, be sure your expectations are reasonable and aligned with the group’s core purpose.

When you find a group you are committed to for the long-term, contribute the best of yourself. Don’t lose your voice to groupthink. Don’t go along with the crowd if you don’t believe in what’s being said or done. Bring your ideas forward and use the opportunity to hone your skills of influencing and inspiring others. Groups are wonderful places for developing the leadership qualities you can also use in the workplace.

* [![CONNECT 2 Lead graphic smal](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/CONNECT-2-Lead-graphic-smal.png?width=100&height=53&name=CONNECT-2-Lead-graphic-smal.png)](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/CONNECT-2-Lead-graphic-smal.png)This blog post is part of the CONNECT! Community’s October focus on connecting with yourself. As a leader, you will be able to* [*CONNECT2Lead*](https://blog.peoplefirstps.com/connect2lead) *authentically and effectively when you are true to yourself. Subscribe to our weekly CONNECT2Lead [Newsletter](https://peoplefirstps.com/contactus/lp)for special offers, content, and blog. To God be the glory!*

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